A book that teaches you how to argue better
Hi ,
Recently, I've been thinking about how to get more out of the books I read. I've got a pretty robust reading habit these days, I turn pages, highlight ideas and make notes. So what's next for getting more out of the pages?
For me, the answer lies largely in podcasts. Podcasts are an essential part of my reading experience as I find a great interview with an author will help cement the ideas, provide additional examples and generally embed the concepts by having them explained differently than just reading the written word.
You do have to find the right podcasts though. Personally, I prefer longer-form, 1hour+ conversations. With anything shorter, you'll usually find the questions and answers are more superficial and probably found in the book blurb. Tim Ferriss, Brené Brown and Debbie Millman are three of my favourites who tend to go deeper and wider in their interviews.
Podcast interviews are also a good way of getting a reminder of the key topics from a book if you need a quick refresher, some time after reading it (the shorter interviews can be perfect for this).
Outside of podcasts, I've recently discovered the How To Academy. I've joined a few of their interviews over the last few weeks (including Malcolm Gladwell with Ziggy Marley and Tim Harford with Adam Grant) and found the interviews to be more considered and in-depth than others. (I believe this is partly because the interviewers are subject matter experts and can go a little deeper, rather than a host looking for the quoteables).
I find this approach a more rounded experience; read the book, listen to an interview, maybe watch their TED talk. I don't do it for every book I read, but for ones that make me really think or contain a lot of nuance, it's an easy way of making the learning both richer and stickier.
How do you get more from the books you read?
In making books work harder,
Steph
PS. To borrow from Austin Kleon (and everyone else who borrows this from Austin Kleon), this newsletter and the podcast are 'free but not cheap'. You can support their creation by purchasing your next book through my affiliate stores with Book Depository (global) or Bookshop (US), buying me a coffee or leaving a podcast review on the website. Thanks!
Review: Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg
Overall rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
After hearing this book mentioned regularly in podcasts and articles, it's been on my to-read list for a while. I finally read it last month. Here's what I thought...
Short synopsis
Psychologist, mediator, author and teacher Marshall B Rosenberg presents the model for better relationships through identifying, and articulating, feelings and needs. By using empathy and the Non Violent Communication (NVC) language to do so, we can be honest about what we need and break long-standing unhelpful patterns of behaviour. Essentially, how to turn situations which can dissolve into toxic arguments, into productive conversations.
(Sounds good, right?)
What I liked
This is powerful stuff. If these techniques were taught in schools, we'd have generations who could better have their needs heard, discussed productively and healthy resolutions reached. I also found it very complimentary to coaching and facilitation work (especially with teams), particularly the technique of applying empathy by using language such as 'I sense you're feeling underappreciated' to get to heart of the real issues. In many of the case studies in the book, verbalising these feelings that had never been expressed, despite years of arguments about the same issues, was the key to saving relationships.
The concepts are applicable to all inter-personal relationships; family, friends, partners, parents, colleagues or children. And whilst there's some specifics in their application, there are techniques you could apply immediately to your relationships to change the dynamics. A different turn of phrase, using a question instead of a statement or simply expressing your need more clearly.
What I didn't
I wouldn't go as far as saying it's something I didn't like, but a hesitation I have with the book is how much nuance and skill is involved in executing the techniques well, and how successful that could be simply from reading the book. Whilst reading Marshall's examples, I kept thinking of the things that could go wrong by accidentally using the wrong tone of voice, or if the other person assumes mal-intent from the questions (the chances of which could be high in a heated situation).
I found that some of the language specifics meant that sections of the book took multiple reads to get my head around. Not a bad thing, but it's not a light read.
Final thought
I think this book is worth a read for most people. Even the awareness of the ideas could change your approach to certain relationships, even if you don't use them fully. I certainly re-thought my approach to a few situations and relationships as a result of reading the book. Reading it as a family unit / team and discussing it throughout would be especially useful.
I would highly recommend this book to coaches, team facilitators and mediators and also to leaders who have done their own work and are ready to step into some new ideas and ways of interacting.
NOTE: I read the recent edition of NVC which has an additional chapter on mediation. I found that chapter especially interesting.
PS. if you'd like to take better book notes this year, you can enjoy a 15% discount on your very own copy of the Archley's Book of Books book journal, here^.
Ear food
Renegades: Born in the USA - A new podcast with conversations between Bruce Springsteen and Barack Obama?! WHAT! Sign me up. (Spotify only)
How This Works - I'm really enjoying this new find. Described as a show for 'your inner child of curiosity', host Skipper Chong Warson talks to other human beings about what they're up to, life lessons they live by, what inspires them and lots more in these relaxed conversations. I especially enjoyed this episode with Kacie Lett Gordon. (Spotify / Apple)
Broken Record - I've mentioned Rick Rubin and Malcolm Gladwell's music podcast before, but I loved this episode with Linkin Park's Mike Shinoda about his creative process and how he's been challenging himself creatively during 2020/2021. (Spotify / Apple)
Meanwhile, on the bookshelf
Recent Steph's Business Bookshelf podcast episodes, in case you missed them...
Magnetic Stories by Gabrielle Dolan
(Listen)
Think Again by Adam Grant
(Listen)