The venn diagram of leadership - part 3; knowing me, knowing you
Three elements of leadership
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In the final installment of this three part series on the elements of leadership, we finally tackle the big one...
#3 - know yourself
This is probably the most overlooked concept, especially for new leaders, but arguably the most critical for success.
Some people may even reject this element because it sounds a bit... woo-woo.
But, when it comes to other endeavours - from playing tennis, learning piano, cooking dinner or planning a holiday - we think about ourselves a lot. What we like, what we don't like (and would rather avoid), who we want on our team, what we're good at, what we need to practice more etc etc.
I think of 'know self' in three sub-categories;
Know your strengths - what are you great at? What do you love doing? What skills are you still building?
This shouldn't be constrained to just tasks but also behaviours; are you a great listener? Calm in a crisis? Empathetic? Good at breaking complex concepts down to teach others?
Know your reactions - how do you react when things are going well? How do you react when things are hitting the proverbial fan? How do you react when receiving feedback? Importantly, what is your impact on others as a result of these reactions?
Know your brand - what are you known for and what do you want to be known for as a leader? How do those align?
You probably won't be able to fully answer all of these questions yourself, creating a great opportunity to discuss them with others.
When I was new to managing others, I received the feedback that I could come across as cold.
This was quite challenging feedback to receive and it would have been easy for me to assume that those people were wrong / too sensitive and continue as normal.
Instead, my new self-awareness helped me assess what I was doing (or not doing) that gave this impression and evaluate the impact of it - that people were not coming to me with problems on projects.
“Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.” Ellen DeGeneres
Every so often I'll catch myself going into 'ice queen' mode, but when I do, I know how to get myself out of it and get a better outcome (and experience) for everyone.
Ultimately we're talking about EQ (emotional intelligence) - a term that is frequently thrown around but not always understood.
I think of it as the ability to manage your own emotions plus understand and respond to the emotions of others. The Father of EQ, Daniel Goleman, explains it here.
Build the habit of leadership; know your self
Ask for feedback - find someone you trust to give you reliable, honest and real feedback on how you come across to others. Listen to this feedback. This will reveal some of the strengths and development areas that you didn't know you had.
Test yourself - there are multiple personality / behaviour indicator assessments that you can do to understand your style (and that of others) such as MBTI(R), DISC(R), Social Styles(R)* and LSI(TM)*.
Know your warning signs - what situations bring out the worst in you? Everyone has a button (usually created by something in your past) that when pressed can have an explosive effect. Know what yours is and how you can manage it.
Further reading
This article provides 13 key actions and behaviours of emotionally intelligent leaders and three important questions to help build your emotional intelligence in high tension situations.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 author, Dr Travis Bradberry shares great thought leadership on EQ on LinkedIn.
*For more information on Social Styles or LSI for you or your team, contact me.
Catch up: this week on LinkedIn
Build your team's elements of leadership
Get in touch to discuss leadership development workshop design and facilitation for your team.
Quick Tip: the short weekend
Hands up if your weekend always feels too short? ✋🏻
Between 6pm on Friday and 6pm on Monday there are 60 hours.
Take off three night's sleep at 8 hours each...
60 - (8*3)
...and you're left with 36 hours.
So in fact, your available weekend time is (approximately) the same as a standard working week. But I bet I know which 36 hours feels longer...
Now, if that blows your mind as much as it did mine, it might be time to think about planning your downtime in the same way you plan your work time and getting more out of it.
Want to see your management or leadership challenge addressed with helpful advice and resources? Email me at steph@stephclarke.com and let me know what topics you'd like me to include in future newsletters.
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